Embracing Shame.

In whatever way, we’ve all experienced shame. Maybe it was when you got angry at a close friend. Maybe it was when you cheated on a university exam or maybe it was when you recently relapsed into an old habit you thought you'd beaten. Whatever it is, whether you wish to admit it or not, we’ve all had our moments of shame; it's a part of being human.

But often, one of the biggest mistakes I see with people feeling shame, is their belief that they are ultimately a 'bad person'. So, for this blog post I will be debunking this...

The most fundamental truth of shame is that it derives from an individual's sense of morals, and their ability to know their past actions were wrong. Now, I know the feelings of deep regret and guilt can be really hard to handle and can make you feel quite sick inside. But...

Shame means you care. In fact, more specifically, shame as an experience illustrates a sense of internal moral misalignment; where an our actions fall outside of the values we hope to hold ourselves by. So, the next time you feel shame, rather than just hate yourself, ask yourself why you're feeling the shame in the first place. Because often, the shame can actually be a key in understanding your values, and who you wish to become in the future: A person who prioritises their family over work. Someone who is more careful in how they communicate. Someone who wishes to stand up for victims rather than promote anti social behaviour.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that this sense of self exploration is going to make the pain go away. That, I'm afraid is going to be here for a little while longer. Instead, what I'm saying, is that shame can be directed into constructive behaviour rather than negative self talk, which does not actually resolve anything for anyone.